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The Unwilling Grandmother

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I’m back…
…from a long hiatus.
After finishing the 50,000 word challenge for November, I decided to take a break for a while. If you know me, you know that means I’ve been mulling over parts of my memoir that need revision.

My first attempt at revision ended with me turning the pages face down so that I didn’t have to read anymore. I think parts of it are just awful. It was necessary to get the bulk of it down on paper in any way, shape, or form. But now begins the long road of revision.

Now that the holidays are through, along with obligatory celebrations and heart-warming reunions, I will tackle the 50,000 word pile and revise. And I will resume my daily (hopefully) blog posts. Here’s something new you might enjoy.

The Unwilling Grandmother
If you’re a fan of Anne Lamott, or if you’re a new grandmother, particularly if the pregnancy was a surprise, you must read Some Assembly Required. I’ve been slowly making my way through it, as I like to savor Anne’s writing piece by piece. You can tell I feel like I know her well enough to call her by her first name, though we’ve never met. Anne’s writing leaves you with a feeling of familiarity and warmth, like spending time with a dear friend.

After reading Grace, Eventually, I’ve been waiting patiently for Anne’s next book, dubbed “a journal of her son’s first son.” Anne’s son became a father at the age of nineteen. My daughter became a mother at twenty-one. There are various terms for this. Unplanned pregnancy is perhaps my favorite. Is there any other kind?

Anne is known for her sarcasm and wit and she tackles this topic with ease. She discusses the agonizing role we grandmothers share, mostly having to do with control issues and important family rituals, like baptisms and holidays.

I’m sure I was a controlling parent, but there is something about being a grandmother that is akin to a referee. You feel as if you have to make sure everyone is playing fair and you must know where everyone is always. More, you must know their plans, thoughts, feelings, and needs. And you know the solution to all these dilemmas.

Grandchildren are habit-forming. Every holiday leaves me anxiously anticipating the next. Christmas and New Year’s have just ended, and my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter have journeyed back to their home in Georgia. I’m already a quarter of the way finished with next year’s game plan, based on past successes and failures. But it wasn’t always this way.

In the beginning, I was an unwilling grandmother.

Like Anne Lamott I, too, was an unwed mother, frightened and alone. Like Anne, I abused drugs and alcohol. And like Anne, motherhood and God’s grace transformed me. But I’d never wish any of it on my daughter. As a parent, I wanted more for her. I believed that I had raised her well enough that she wouldn’t make any of the mistakes I made. I never wanted her to have any of the hardship I experienced.

A good friend, who maybe heard this from Dr. Phil, says that all response comes out of fear or love. For parents I think it is both and. I was afraid what her life would become. I wanted her to realize her full potential as an adult before she had to support a child.

Life, and sometimes God, teaches valuable lessons for us all, like it’s not always about me. I’ve watched my daughter come into her own as a young woman and as a mother. I’ve watched my son-in-law become a man. I’ve witnessed the most amazing God-given gift: childbirth. I’ve seen love grow between a woman and a man and be strengthened by their love for their child. I’ve experienced the sheer joy of being a grandmother. I’ve learned that blessings abound for all, if we only believe. And I am willing.



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